Oh Yeah, I'm Basically God!
by HMS Jones
Summary: Melodie is a mutant and, for surely she's a Mary-Sue, knew Pyro when he was living on the streets, has immense SUPA POWAHS and can make Wolverine feel insecure about his manly manhood. Pyro/OC. Rated M for saftey, only slight m-ness content.
1. Chapter 1

AN: this is pure and utter rubbish; do not take a word of this seriously. But still, enjoy!

Author: Chipmunki

Title: Oh Yeah, I'm basically God!

Summary: Melodie is a mutant and (for surely she's a Mary-Sue!) knew Pyro when he was living on the streets, has immense SUPA POWAHS and can make Wolverine feel insecure about his manly manhood. Pyro/OC

Rating: M, just in case.

* * *

Wolverine found her in an alley, (as it always seemed to be) and _he was not amused._

She had somehow constructed a wheelie chair device out of two dustbins and had spun around when he came near, rhythmically stroking the dirty head of a mop (which was thankfully not attached to the rest of the mop).

"I've been expecting you." She said.

For some strange reason, Wolverine found himself listening to those words and wanting to commit suicide.

It would only get worse from there on, for him any way.

* * *

Chuck wanted her, Chuck could have her, Wolverine grumbled. Five hours – _five freaking hours!_ All of them spent listening to her make damn cocky statements about herself and insulting him.

He put up with her because she complimented his bike, and because he felt sorry for her, she had been living on the streets. But he couldn't help but hope she would annoy or upset Chuck so much he would send her back to the streets or _a nice orphanage!_

Buy they got on like a house on fire, which he had a gut feeling would result in just as much destruction.

Wolverine could imagine her, the school burning down to rubble, whilst a supersized Melodie laughed – no cackled manically in the background. Because, seriously, he swore on his mama's grave, even though he couldn't remember her he was pretty sure she was dead, Melodie was the devil! THE DEVIL!

Wolverine shook himself out of his mental rant and listened to how Chuck was explaining some scientific mumbo jumbo about mutants and how their gifts often show themselves in the physical characteristics of the person.

"Like Logan here, he has a rather animalistic mutation, if you exclude the healing factor. His claws, for example, and he also has senses which are far superior to human senses. This explains his rather wild, dominant nature." Spoke Chuck, in what Wolverine (who felt a swell of pride at the 'dominant' comment. _Thanks for noticing, chuck!_) called his 'professor' voice.

The balloon of ego burst when she answered seriously "Really? I just thought his overly macho exterior was him over-compensating for something!"

There was an uncovert glance to his crotchal area, a derisive snort, and a quirk of her lips. Suddenly Wolverine wasn't sure if he wanted to pull down his pants to show the girl his (large! VERY LARGE!) penis or just kill her.

He decided to simply growl and walk out of the room when he heard Chuck cough lightly. And he knew, via his 'far superior' hearing, that it wasn't an _a-hem_, clearing of the throat cough, but rather an _a-ha-ha-ha-hem_, I want to laugh madly but feel I need to spare your feelings, you poor non-manly non-man cough.

He had just closed the door when he heard the devil spawn say, in a perfectly conversational tone of voice "oh, is it the Wolf-Man's time of the month?"

* * *

The Wolf-man seems to be avoiding me, Melodie mused, not that she blamed him, okay so she totally did.

_If he can't stand the heat, he should jump out of the raging bonfire, loser!_

She grinned, he was fun. The Wolf-man – _Logan! _– She thought, putting a serious note into his name. But she kept thinking of the berry. She had tried some one summer, because they had looked nice and the strawberry farm had increased security. They made her puke for three days straight. _The Bitches._

She was meeting the rest of the X-men later (3 hours, 17 minutes to be precise) and was relaxing, thinking about this new place life had shown her to by way of feral stranger.

_It's a mighty fine deal,_ she drawled to herself. A bed, food, education, people to mock 24-7 and all because she was naturally awesome!

_How immensely cool was that!_

* * *

"You mean you can control people?" asked a young woman, with African heritage and striking white hair and blue eyes. She had introduced herself as Storm and she seemed slightly disturbed by this knowledge.

"Yep and others!" answered Melodie.

The surrounding X-men tensed, she could be controlling them right now. Using her powers to use them in a sick game! Cyclops's hand darted up to his visor, and everyone could feel the smugness mixed in with the wariness that was emanating from Wolverine in waves. But the professor stopped them both with a look.

Melodie continued.

"But why would I want to use it against you? Oh, except for the fact it would be exceedingly fun!"

Melodie grinned and stared of into space; Charles couldn't help but be drawn into her mind, where she imagined Wolverine flirtingly slapping Scott Summers on the arse, who was bent down. He, in slow motion, came up and gasped a hand over his mouth and his eyes wide but coyly pleased. He had the expression of a Swedish porn star- not that Charles would know what they looked like!

Ignoring the implications of his incriminating line of thoughts and the serious circumstances, Charles couldn't help but let out a slight chuckle.

He looked at the dark haired girl and thought that he could really make his school a place she could call home. And he would certainly enjoy her sense of humour; he had never seen Wolverine so on edge!

Melodie heard these thoughts and let out a happy sigh_, life was good!_

* * *

_Feel free to review! this will be continued!_


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

Meeting Johnny - one more time without the rubber jokes.

Melodie lay back on her plush bed – she had _commandeered _a large amount of extremely plush pillows from the other pupils, they hadn't minded – much.

She laughed the laugh that had Logan edging away from her in panic before, she thought she sounded cool, apparently the others thought differently. The words 'creepy', 'weird', 'evil' and 'megalomaniac' were used quite often; the last was her favourite she hadn't known the little wolf-man had known word like that! Go him!

It was five minutes till she had to go see Xavier to get her guide for school – she had come on a Sunday, so she was meeting the students today (a Monday), she hoped he was either hot, funny or so much of a wimp he would become her minion! She laughed again.

She sat up and stretched, pulling on a pair of jeans (what? Sitting in your underwear is fun! Especially when it's as cool/sexy as hers was! She bought it with her kick ass allowance!) she walked out into the almost empty corridor, basking in the curious stared of those few in it.

Oh the attention of the mentally feeble! How she liked to bask in its wonder!

And then she saw _him_.

It was like the world has suddenly turned to Technicolor! A rush of reds and yellows flared around her until all she could see was him and the glorious feelings he brought to her. She felt her heart beat and the blood rush to her cheeks, and curiously, the need to sing a high pitched song.

_Who's that pretty girl in that mirror there? What mirror where? Who can that attractive girl be? Such a pretty face! Such a pretty dress! Such a pretty smile! Such a pretty me! Why! I can hardly believe it's real! I feel stunning, and entrancing, I feel like running and dancing for joy! Because I've found this pretty wonderful boy!_

"OH MY GOD! IT'S RUBBER JOHNNY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?"

John Allerdyce froze, rather like a terrified pyromaniac bunny rabbit in the face of a twenty ton truck miraculously made out of pure H20. He slowly turned and when he caught sight of her, blanched a curious mottled shade of off white.

She loved it when she had that effect on people.


End file.
